Most of us don't really want to think about when someone like Kristi Noem gets on TV sporting an AR, pretending that she's Barbie Badass. Truth is Barbie Badass would look like an average woman, dressed in her daily outfits, going to work or running to her kids' soccer games. The real heroes don't need that much plastic surgery, AND can't afford it. Fake tits, botox blow up doll lips, vacuumed out fat, pulled skin, removed skin, and even shaved bone or cartilage is what blow-tox barbies are pitching. It might not be fair to Barbie or Mattel, but it was a standard that they wrongly pitched for decades onto little girls, not because it was a mistake. It was how society viewed women. Like dolls, only special if we fit very narrow expectations.
Generally, I rarely ever mention some of the antics from my misspent youth. For my 22nd birthday, one of my best friends in the military and the rest of my male colleagues threw me an after party at a strip club. A long story, but let's stay on point. What hit me then, the strippers were playing to the various fantasies men have. Now whether those fantasies are groomed into the men as they grow up, from a natural reaction in puberty or some other healthy (or unhealthy) attachment, what was obvious the ones that fit the fantasies better were the more popular entertainers. Some of them were dancers, but some of them were more porn moves on a stage. Still whether they could dance or not wasn't really the entertainment for my brothers in arms. One of the guys was utterly smitten by a dancer, she was a dancer, with small breasts, kind of that girl next door, fresh off the farm look, and honestly, he was the only one that was really interested. She didn't have any fantasy going for the rest of them. One of the guys told him as he tried to get the table excited about her, "I can get that at home!"
The thing is he didn't want what was on the stage either. His "fantasy" seemed to be little more than women degrading themselves. They were all intrigued by the girl that came out dressed like a WAC. Sadly, she was actually in the Navy or Marine Corps and was shortly thereafter kicked out of the miliary for conduct unbecoming. Nevermind, the awkward position that I would've felt around any other men other than these particular guys. What intrigued me most was I knew some of these guys really well. The geekier ones seemed more interested in the hot teacher and the supergirl. The less intelligent ones liked the more direct costumes. Either way, anytime I have experienced this, yes I've been in this position more than once, it really was the same. The "fantasy" of whatever they didn't have at home seriously appealed to most of them. Yes, even some of the nicer ones that would never consider cheating in a million years.
(Remember the Tailhook Scandal happened back then too. If you were "one of the boys", this was considered an "honor" not a put down. The fine line between the two does not escape me.)
Does that mean that your man doesn't want you? No, that's not what it means and it's not the point of this blog. What it means is that blow-tox barbies are catering to a particular fantasy of very particular types of men.
Kristi Noem's nose used to be exactly like mine. She and I could've passed for family. Same hair color, similar smiles, and the same nose. Go ahead and look, we'll wait. She's had a LOT of plastic surgery to look like she does now. She's not the only one. Almost all of the blow-tox barbies have. The nose seems to be a very distinct feature that all of them are trying desperately to get smaller. Like that tiny little plastic doll's nose, some of them even try to get theirs to turn up a little.
But this is painful. I know a woman who got her hips broken and reset just to have barbie like hips instead of the pear shape she was born with. It's also risky. A routine plastic surgery is what caused the death of Joan Rivers. I remember at the time wondering what the hell was she thinking. Hadn't she had enough already? I didn't know much about it back then, so it seemed frivolous to constantly be going back. However, in reality once this mutilation occurs, it has to be kept up. Fake boobs must be replaced every ten years. Failure to maintain them could result in the manufacturer's warranty being null and void. God knows we have all heard the stories of both the silicone ones and the saline ones leaking enough that most of us understand this is a lifelong risk. It's not cheap to have these things replaced every 10 years. It's also the same with the scarring from the cuts and liposuction. Some surgeons are better than others and so the scarring is less noticeable and lasts longer, but no matter how good they are? Sooner or later nature will start to reveal the scarring, and that has to be addressed. Most reputable plastic surgeons will not recommend excessive surgeries for that reason. Not just about the scarring, but also about the risk of anesthesia over and over during shorter and shorter periods of time. Recovery also slows as we age.
If we're honest, all of the above reasons are probably why eventually some of these plastic surgery addicts disappear from public life. The cost, the risks, the scarring, eventually this can catch up with any of them.
The most obvious takeaway from the blow-tox barbies is the physical risks alone, but no one really needs to point that out, do we?
Nor do we have to talk about the level of insecurity involved here. Women have always put up with a lot of negativity from men and from each other on our physical appearance. Another side effect of serving in the military? "Even the least attractive women can find men in the military," a gunny once told me. True, but not everyone wants the perfect barbie doll. I learned very quickly in the military any woman can be beautiful. It's all about whether she feels comfortable.
Let me repeat that. All women are beautiful. It's all about feeling comfortable with yourself.
Seriously. Not every man, not even "back when" these folks want to drag us back to wanted the plastic barbies. Consider that one guy I knew who wanted the "girl next door" and that entire "wholesome" look. He didn't care about the big plastic breasts or the unrealistic sizes.
But almost every man is drawn to someone who appears comfortable in her own right. It doesn't matter if she's heavier than the blow-tox barbies. It doesn't matter if she's smarter or not. It doesn't matter if she's THE standard in attractive or girl next door. What matters is confidence.
Going back to good ole' Kristi Noem. You think that she was confident when a man told her that her nose was too big? Do you think she was confident when one of them told her cheeks were too fat? Her eyes needed to "pop" more? That those laugh lines that she used to have where her dimples are? (Those dimples are artificial now, from what was explained to me on how they got rid of the laugh lines. You don't want to know how they recreated the dimples. Ewww.) When they picked on her hair so much, she added weaved in extensions. (Sorry fellas, that's not her real hair. Again, refer back to her old photos.) Does that sound like a confident woman to you?
No, it doesn't sound confident at all. She sounds weak, attention AND approval seeking and desperate. That's who she is. That's who all of them are.
How do I know this? As I said, if you went and looked at Kristi's pictures pre-plastic surgery, we had a lot of similar traits, and I've had lots of men over the years pick at my facial features trying to degrade me. My own ex-husband regularly told me how big my nose was and how fat I was, even when I was only a size 5-6 and was less than 12% body fat. I've had them say how bad my hair looks or how my eyes were small or my cheeks were too fat. My breasts were too small. My smile was crooked. My teeth were too white or not white enough. I was too short, too tall. Should wear heels. Shouldn't wear heels. Had a fat ass. Didn't have an ass.
What blow-tox barbies tell us is how strong we are. In comparison, every single one of us that looks in the mirror and doesn't need to be validated by a man can be comfortable in who we are and what we look like. These women have given themselves up, chasing a "perfection" that isn't going to make any of those insecurities go away. In fact, they are saddled with those insecurities for the rest of their lives, every time one of those scars is starting to droop or every time those breast inserts have to be replaced.
I'm going to close with this, because someone once asked me, how come your so sure of how you look and what you think?
A. The thinking part is easy. I read and study a lot of subjects just by my own curiosity. I am confident in what I do and what I do not know. Be honest with yourself and you never have to second guess yourself about when they tell you that you are "wrong" just to make you feel "unsure". If you are honest with yourself, you can ignore when others try to take away your confidence in what you do know.
B. But the looks? I'm going to give you my secret.
1. When you get up in the morning and you look in the mirror, don't tell yourself you look like shit, even if you do. Sure sometimes I slip, but do it as little as possible.
2. When you get dolled up, don't ask anyone else for validation. Not even your husband. When you look in that mirror and you feel good about your appearance, tell yourself that. "Yep, that looks good." or "Damn, I look good today!" If you don't like it, change. If your husband voluntarily tells you that you look good today? YAY!! If he says nothing, who cares.
3. Even when you don't get dolled up, going to work, the grocery store, wherever. Tell yourself that you look good. If you don't feel like you do, throw on your favorite shirt, your favorite shoes, your favorite scarf, until you look and say "Okay I look good enough (for this)."
4. ALWAYS validate yourself first. You don't need others to validate you. You give your own inner strength away to be judged. Don't do it. Don't fish for compliments. Don't ask. Don't do it.
(Remember if you have to ask YOUR man for compliments, that is not the man for you. A man who loves you will validate you without you ever asking. Run like hell if a man can't be supportive without being prompted. Trust me I know a lot of good, happily married men from my years working with them. They do not need to be poked and prodded to say the right thing. You're not supposed to raise him and it's not your fault his "mama" or "daddy" didn't raise him right.)
5. Say "thank you" even to those backhanded comments. YOU validate yourself. YOU look amazing. YOU are perfect just the way you are. Make them feel like you either didn't get the insult or you don't give a shit what they say. Either is a win for you.
6. Most of all, on the rare occasion a blow-tox barbie insults you. Laugh. Seriously. Laugh. Eventually it comes naturally. The only reason anyone insults another person's appearance is for control. Do NOT give it to them. If you have validated yourself, nothing that bimbo says to you will matter. It will matter even less if it's a man.
Be you, because the one thing we definitely learn from the blow-tox barbies? They ain' got nothing on us!!
(For the slow folks in the room, "blow-tox barbies" = blow up doll wannabes and spending a lot of money and insecurity to get there.)
As always, think about it. PEACE.
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